Sabotaged.net

Archive for February, 2009

Nights like this make me hope that tomorrow never comes. I feel so bad about who I am, my insecurities, and how worthless I can be. I deserve all of this loneliness.

Your Brain on Math

Interval notations. Quoefficients. Adding the opposite. Graphical answers. Properties of reflection, equality, multiplicative inverses, and distribution. Linear equations. Nonzero numbers. Isolating variables. Ratios and proportions. Inequalities. F = 9/5C + 32. Solution sets. Phantom 1s.

Sidney Noble again

All of this turmoil has shown me how capable I am on my own. Looking back at my actions through the months of October through December strikes me as out of character for myself. I’ve been alone for so many events and changes in my life. Why did this one event turn me into such a mess? I couldn’t function most days; sleeping as much and as often as possible, not eating, trying to squeak by at work without notice. It wasn’t me.

Realizing again that I’m capable of being alone has restored my confidence. I’m back to charging ahead, stepping up the ladder at work and blowing through my classes.

I’m at an impasse with my future. Over the past four years, I’ve known exactly what I was working for and what was in store for me. Now, I’m very unsure but not as distraught over it.

There have been so many days in the past month where I wasn’t sure where I was woke up in the morning. Some days, I’m in the apartment with Rocky snoring off to the side of the bed. Other days, I’m at the house, pressed up against Phil. Neither place is home. It takes me a few minutes to assess the situation and figure out if I’m coming or going. Will I be sleeping in the same place later that day?

It has become stressful driving to and from both places, constantly packing and unpacking my car, eating out so much because it is difficult to keep food in both places. Stress aside, it is worth it to spend that down time with him.

All in all, it is relieving to feel like my old self again. I feel like I’m hot on the trail of many good things in each facet of my life. And I don’t know if it would be possible to be any more grateful than I am right now.