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Archive for December, 2007

Reflections on step-parenting

Despite the cold, crappy weather and my frustrations with cabin fever, Zoe & I had a pretty decent weekend.

I frequently have a hard time with my patience when it comes to my step-kid. There are a lot of times when I want to do adult things or just have some “me” time and her time here can seriously impede that.

The three plus years that I’ve been in her life have been that of constant adjustment for all of us. She spends 50% of her time with us, 50% with her mom and 50% with her grandparents. Don’t ask me how that works out, but it seems that she’s in all three homes on a regular basis. This leads to a lot of behavioral fluctuations. All three households hold different sets of rules and she has different expectations from each set of guardians. To put it plainly, she usually cries when she gets dropped off at our house. And she’ll even tell ya, it’s because we make her do chores. 

As someone who’s not her parent, it can sure make it hard. I see how much both of her parents get upset when she gets hurt and how hard it is for her mother to punish her (she says she “just doesn’t have it in her”). And I … I just don’t feel that way. I don’t feel like I have that “unconditional love” that both of her parents have. I can’t watch her do something totally retarded or rude and say how “cute” it was. When she does something that pisses me off, I want to put my foot square in her ass, just like any other bratty kid I see throwing a temper tantrum in a store because they’re not getting what they want.

More than not, I feel bad because I feel like I should be soft on her like her parents are. I feel like I should always see her in glowing light, like a little angel that can do no wrong. And, I just don’t. I’ve tried and I can’t seem to pull it off.

I’ve been in her life since before she could walk up stairs. I’ve helped teach her to talk, to dress herself, to tie her shoes, to jump off of the couch, to write her name. I miss her when she’s gone. I look forward to reading books with her, answering her endless questions, listening to her sing while she combs her hair, and tucking her in at night. I love how she makes Phil smile and how she lights up her Grandparents’ faces.

This weekend was great (aside from one kicking ‘n’ screaming fit over a friend having to go home for dinner). We cooked, attacked Phil with snow balls, shared a mug of hot cocoa, worked on Christmas cards, listened to music, hung out with good friends, ran errands, and talked about everything under the sun.

The bottom line is: I love her. Even if not in a perfectly mother-daughter sort of way. She’s changed my life for the better … and I hope I’ve done the same for her.

I’m having a warm ‘n’ fuzzy moment.

So, I decided it was time to send a care package or two. I’m going it both: “just because” and because I want to start getting Zoe more into the idea of doing things for others, instead of just for herself. I went to AnySoldier.com and picked myself out a unit. Here is there request:

APO/FPO: APO AE (1*)
Added here: 26 November 2007
Expected to leave Iraq: 15 Jan 2009 (3*)
Where in Country: (Removed for OPSEC reasons) (4*)
Contact for approx number of Males: 8, Females: 1 (5*)
Unit is from: Kentucky (6*)

From the Soldier:

26 Nov 2007:
We are living in old buildings with 220 electric. We have a laundry service. I am representing my squad. Somethings we are looking for to get are: Personal hygeine, body wash, shampoo, guy magazines, (trucks, motorcycles, nascar), rugged gloves, lotion, q-tips.

My unit is from Fort Campbell, KY. We are a company of Engineers, Food Service, Fuelers, Truck Drivers, Operations, Mechanics.

I figured, that’s easy enough. So I went though the process of accessing their mailing address and started to compile a list of some “extras” that I would like to include in their care packages.
- Raisens
- Powder for drinks (lemonade, koolaid, tea, etc.)
- Marshmallows
- A deck of cards
- Deodorant
- Beef jerky
- Christmas cards

On a whim, I decided I’d post a note about this in the kitchen/lunch area of my work. A few hours later, a couple of the nurses I work with came back with two grocery bags full of goodies. A week went by and I have the final tally of things being sent to the sandbox:

- 6 packages of Q-tips
- 2 big bottles of hand sanitizer
- 10 small bottles of hand sanitizer
- 1 bottle of shampoo
- 1 bottle of body wash
- 1 bottle of cocoa butter lotion
- 1 bottle of liquid soap
- 9 packages of baby wipes
- 6 tubes of toothpaste
- 8 toothbrushes
- 2 packages of hard candies (cinnamon & butterscotch)
- 9 roll-on deodorants
- 10 decks of cards
- 10 packages of gum
- 20 dice (dies?)
- 10 individual packages of tissue
- 7 issues of Popular Mechanics magazine
- 1 package of paper
- 1 package of envelopes
- 1 package of ziplock bags
- 13 tins (assorted sizes)
- 4 packages of jerky (assorted flavors)
- 1 big bag of homemade peanut brittle
- 1 bag of carmel popcorn
- 2 big bags of sunflower seeds
- 1 big bag of homemade sugar cookies
- 9 Christmas cards

I wish I could have bought more of each thing, but that’s what my budget could accomodate. Everything will be packed away into baggies, incase things burst or leak. And everything will then be packed into those tins before being boxed. I know that they will use the tins to store things (keep sand out of everything) and my employer was just going to throw them away.

There’s also a letter to the whole unit from me. I hope I hear back from them. But, I won’t be upset if I don’t. I know they don’t necessarily have the time to write or email.